The Kiss
by sanityfair1
Summary: Au Episode of Entropy. Buffy witnesses a single kiss shared by Any and Spike causing her to admit her true feelings. She's terrified she's too late. She can only hang on to the hope that Spike will be able to forgive her. This will be updated weekly.
1. Chapter 1

As Buffy walked home from his crypt, she couldn't believe herself. Spike professing his feelings was real, and she had dismissed them with, "I think it is, for you." Why couldn't she stop hurting him? She knew he had nothing to do with that camera, yet off she went to accuse him and throw hateful words his way. At what point had she become this hateful person? Had the pain caused by her well-meaning friends dragging her out of heaven done this? Was it the weight of her secrets? Was it just simply living in the world that had made her into this person she loathed? Either way, she was embarrassed and ashamed of the way she had treated him. He didn't deserve it. She believed he loved her, despite all the things she'd said to him in the past. How could he not and still be here, still putting up with her abuse? Spike was either the most masochistic or the most patient man on the planet.

Buffy wondered when exactly she'd come to see him as a man. If she were honest with herself, something she tried to avoid at all costs, she would say it happened when he kept the secret of the Key. She'd realized then, there was a decent person lurking beneath the façade of the _Big_ _Bad_. He'd gone into battle with her and afterward kept his promise, when he could have left for parts unknown. He stayed, took care of Dawn and helped fight the good fight. When she first saw him the night she was brought back, she was astonished at the reverence and love in his eyes; she hadn't thought it possible for someone to look at her that way. She'd felt a sense of peace with him that night in the midst of chaos and hell. Buffy knew her feelings for him were not disdain or disgust, but fear and denial kept her from acknowledging the truth.

* * *

Spike was done; he was through feeling sorry for himself. She was never going to change no matter how he tried to convince her, and oh, _how_ he'd tried. At least she believed he loved her, but a fat lot of good that did him. She refused to admit she cared for him, not that he expected her to come running into his crypt with professions of love. But, damn it he wanted her to admit there was at least a spark.

_Well, mate, you're well and truly buggered!_ he thought, smashing an empty liquor bottle on the crypt floor.

The anguish gripping him was almost more than he could bear. He remembered when he was first chipped --- the helplessness and despair he felt. What he felt now was tenfold. He'd been steadily drinking all afternoon and the liquor sure as hell wasn't helping. As soon as the sun was low enough, he would go to the Magic Box. Surely, Anya could offer some spell or other rot to make this pain go away,. He wasn't one for using magic, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Feeling the time was right Spike set out on his mission.

* * *

When Buffy arrived home, she was still lost in thought. She found Willow at the dining room table.

"Hey Buff, you okay?" Willow's brow furrowed as she studied her friend carefully. "You seem a little off."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just want to get to the bottom of this, and I have a feeling I know who we'll find." Buffy looked exasperated as she set the garden gnome on the table. "Do you think you can get to the bottom of this? " Buffy asked.

"I'll give it my best shot." Willow gave her a look of determination. "I kinda have some good news. Tara's coming over later to watch a movie," Willow said.

"That's great. Sounds like you two are making progress." Buffy smiled half-heartedly.

* * *

Spike walked into the Magic Box, slamming the door behind him, causing the bell to ring loudly. He walked straight to Anya intent on his purpose.

"Hey, I need a thing," he said, not noticing until then that Halfrek or Cecily - whatever she was calling herself these days – was sitting with Anya.

"What's your pleasure?" Anya eyed him expectantly.

"Fresh out of pleasure -- that's why I'm here," Spike said.

Anya noticed the desperation in his voice, but stepped away to speak with Halfrek in private. "Oh my God! Spike hates Xander. Maybe I could get him to wish ... damn it, if only he were a woman," Anya whispered.

"Anyanka, there's an easier way. Now, I know you have this whole female-power, take-back-the- night thing --- I think that's cute. But I've been telling you for decades -- men need a little vengeance now and then, too." Halfrek tried to convince her.

Anya seemed to consider this, looking over at Spike. "Maybe this is a good chance to try it out." Halfrek gave a cheerful wave and left.

"Sorry to bust up the little girls' night out." Spike's tone was more sarcastic than sorry. "That's okay. I'm ready to do some business." Anya walked toward him with purpose.

"Right then, got something to dull the ache a bit?" Spike asked.

"Actually, yes… um, Giles left a couple of supplies here, and I think ... this might help. Eases the hurt ... makes the sun shine a little brighter, and even makes boring people seem more interesting. Ah, here." Anya rummaged behind the counter producing a bottle of Irish whiskey.

Spike grinned.

* * *

"Hi, guys, look who I found on the sidewalk." An excited Dawn came in the house with a smiling Tara.

"Hey, you two. We're going to watch a movie as soon as I get this computer thing figured out." Willow sat at the dining room table with her laptop open, typing while staring at the screen intently.

"How's it coming? Can you see who's getting the computer signal?" Buffy asked, as she came in from the kitchen.

" Should have something once I get tapped into the fiber-optic network. We're gonna use the feedback relay to, uh, get their signal routed into our system." Willow continued to search.

"I want to find these guys." Buffy looked grim.

* * *

"So, then this girl says, 'real for you.'" Spike slammed his glass down angrily.

"Right, but getting back to Xander…" Anya added.

"Xander? Let's not waste anymore breath on that wanker."

"But, he made a fool of me, and nobody seems to care!" Anya was flailing her hands and her bottom lip jutted out in a pout.

"I care. I've never stooped that low, and I'm an evil, soul-less thing, according to some people," Spike said bitterly.

They picked up their glasses and whiskey, moving to the table.

"Thing about it is, none of this was my idea. I didn't ask to be human." Anya poured them another drink.

"I didn't ask for this bloody chip in my head."

Spike took a swallow, as Anya continued to get more upset.

"Next thing you know, I'm changing to please him… I care if he cares!"

"Right." Spike nodded.

"Screw'em," Anya said, raising her glass in a toast.

"To the rafters!" Spike and Anya clinked their glasses together, becoming drunker by the minute.

"Please, it's no wonder they couldn't deal with the likes of you and me, luv. We should have been dead hundreds of years ago ... and we're the only ones who're really alive." Spike's honesty was refreshing to her. Anya moved closer to Spike, and they realized the bottle was almost empty.

She began to cry. "This is the first time since…It feels nice to be with someone who understands. This whole time I've been coming on all hell-bent and mad…wanting his head, you know? When, really, I … can't sleep at night thinking it has to be, I don't know my fault somehow…"

Spike gently cupped her cheeks, taking a moment push a lock of stray hair behind her ear. "Shh, luv, now, now." Spike tried to soothe her.

"The two of them, they're weak is all, but they'll miss the water once the well has gone dry." Spike leaned forward, their foreheads touching.

"Wait, wait, what are we doing?" Anya whispered.

"Moving on." They began to kiss passionately.

* * *

"Hey, hey, I think I've got something. There are other cameras. I can tell there are more feeds, I … I'm just having a harder time pinpointing 'em. Here, lemme... I just ... ucch, I've almost got a picture on 'em. I think I've got the Magic Box." Willow continued to type, looking at the screen. She gasped, causing the girls to gather around the computer.

Buffy stared in horror at the scene. There on the screen for all to see, were Spike and Anya locked in a passionate embrace, kissing as if their very lives depended on it. Suddenly, Spike broke away, saying something to her and rushing out the door, leaving a bereft Anya. Buffy felt like she'd been stabbed. She fought to control her emotions, but she could feel hot tears welling up and threatening to spill. This was her moment of truth -- her wake up call. She looked around to see the others staring at her confused, with the possible exception of Tara.

"I pushed him away." Buffy took a deep shuddering breath. "I have…feelings for him. We were…for awhile, we were together." She stared at the computer screen, not really seeing the feed. "I was afraid of what you guys would think—I thought I was using him." She gazed at Tara, latching on to the one person she thought would judge her the least. "I've got to go to him. Tell him how I really feel and try to repair the damage I've caused. Wish me luck."

Three astonished girls watched as Buffy left the house.


	2. Chapter 2

Admitting her feelings to the girls had been the first step, but there was still a long way to go. Buffy's emotions ran the gamut as she headed for the door -- pain, anger, betrayal, love…love being the most foreign emotion for her at the moment. Leaving the house, she headed for the one place and the one person who could give her the answers she so desperately sought. She stalked through the cemetery, focused on the task at hand and wondered if—perhaps—she'd lost her last chance. Maybe she'd finally done it, pushed him over the edge. It appeared as though she had, but she needed to be sure. She wanted to make her feelings known; then and only then could they both maybe find some peace.

Opening the crypt door with her usual flourish, she found him sitting quietly in the dark, a bottle by his side.

She stood in front of him and demanded answers.

"Why were you there?" She hesitated briefly before asking the only question that really mattered. "Did it mean anything to you?" Buffy was terrified of the very answers she demanded.

"Well hello to you too, and what are you on about? Why was I where?" Spike tilted his head slightly. His curiosity was piqued.

"Don't play dumb with me, Spike. I saw you...kiss her." Buffy was shaking, trying desperately to control her voice.

"How the bloody hell did you see that?" Spike said, shocked she'd witnessed his mistake, yet at the same time, some part of him was glad.

"Remember the garden gnome camera? Well, it turns out there were more cameras -- courtesy of the nerd trio." Buffy eyed him coldly.

"I didn't know you cared, Slayer." Spike glared at her, trying desperately to cover his true feelings. He'd borne the weight of their relationship these past months, and it had left him broken, both mentally and physically. He looked directly at her as he spoke. "You want the truth? I was there for a spell, and no, the kiss meant nothing to me. It was about two people searching for solace in their grief, but it didn't work. I felt even worse after, like I'd betrayed you, even though _you_ left _me_."

Buffy didn't quite know how to respond; she knew his feelings about the use of magic. Though she was thrilled to hear the kiss had been a mistake, the pain of seeing it live and in color was all too real. She just couldn't shake the image in her mind, no matter how hard she tried.

"Were you planning to cast a spell on me?" she asked incredulously.

"No, I wasn't planning to cast a bloody spell on you… was for _me_! I wanted the pain of loving you to go away, even if just for a while. I couldn't bear it! That's what brought Anya and me together." His voice, which had begun as shouting, was now down to a mere whisper.

"Of all the stupid, idiotic things! You went to a vengeance demon looking for a spell to stop the pain of loving me! But, no you couldn't stop there; it wouldn't be complete. You had to get drunk and kiss her too!" Pacing the length of the crypt and taking a well-needed breath, she began again. "Do you have any idea what kind of trouble you could have caused? I don't even want to imagine the effects of drunken spell casting and vengeance wishes! I mean come on, what were you thinking? Wait, let me guess; you weren't thinking at all! You were just reacting; things didn't go your way, so you think you can fix them with another one of your hair-brained schemes! As if that doesn't cover all the insanity bases, you top it off by kissing my friend!" This time her voice was just an octave higher, as she seemed to be unraveling before his eyes.

All the pacing was making him dizzy, so he stood, putting his hand on her shoulder effectively stopping her.

"Buffy, luv, why are you here? I mean I can't be your favorite person just now. Have you come to stake me? Is that it? It's not like I don't deserve it, I guess," Spike said dejectedly, not meeting her eyes.

Buffy turned to face him. Reaching out, she tipped his chin to meet her eyes, now brimming with tears.

"No. No, I'm not here to stake you. That's the last thing I want to do. I'm angry and hurt, but there are things I need to tell you. Things I've kept from my friends, you, and even myself. You've been the only one who's truly been there for me, who's asked for nothing in return, and I've continually used and abused you, giving you nothing in return."

"I think I've gotten my fair share, Slayer." Spike smirked

Buffy huffed and went on. "Would you let me finish, please? This is hard enough without the innuendo. Yes, I know I've given you sex, but I've never given you myself. I've kept you in the shadows, on the fringes. I couldn't even admit to myself how I felt about you, so how could I let anyone else, even you know. Until tonight when I saw that video, and I thought my heart would break into a million pieces. I couldn't breathe. The pain of that nearly brought me to my knees."

Buffy took his strong hands in hers, looking at him pleadingly. "I was forced to reexamine my feelings for you. Spike, you make me angrier than anyone I know. You also make me happier than anyone else ever has. If that's what love is then I think I've fallen in love with you, and if you still want me I'd like to give us a try. No hiding – no secrets."

Spike had been looking at her wide-eyed throughout her speech. Unbidden tears ran slowly down his cheeks. He'd dreamed of this moment thousands of times, and now he was paralyzed with the knowledge of her words.

"So, what do you think? You're scaring me. Don't just stand there. Please say something."

His brain was running a million miles a minute. He was absolutely gobsmacked.

"Sorry, luv. It's just taking me a bit to process all you've said. Still can't quite believe it. I want to, but with everything that's gone on…I guess I'm in shock. You really mean what you said? 'Cause if you don't please tell me now, before I make a fool of myself."

She cupped his cheeks, clearing his tears with her thumbs.

"Spike, I promise, I really do."

He grasped her waist, bringing her in for a passionate, yet tender kiss.

"I love you, Buffy, so much. I'm so sorry for putting you through all this. You know I'm yours. Just tell me what you want."

Buffy leaned into his warm embrace.

"Spike, I want us to be happy, but I want to take things a little slower this time around. I want to get to know you, the real you. Is that okay?"

With a look of pure adoration, Spike answered, "Yes, pet, I think that can be arranged."


	3. Chapter 3

Buffy awoke happy the next morning. She thought back to the rollercoaster ride of events the day before had brought and the wonderful way it had ended. She and Spike actually had a real conversation after all the tears and the ranting. They held each other as they talked, sharing intimate kisses every now and again. She felt she was getting a clearer picture of who he was. Buffy finally let herself see what she knew to be true all along. Spike was gentle, kind, funny and loyal to a fault. He wore his heart on his sleeve, his every emotion present in his beautiful blue eyes.

How could she have been blind for so long? It surprised her when she found a worn copy of _E.E. Cummings Complete Poems 1913-1962_ on the side table, next to his ratty recliner. She never expected someone who taped Passions to enjoy good poetry. Nosing through his music collection, she found not only Ella Fitzgerald, but Billie Holiday as well. She teased him a little about his unexpected taste in literature and music, and he responded with feigned surprise that she even knew who E.E. Cummings was. This teasing was so much softer than the usual banter and they both wound up smiling at the gentle ribbing they were giving each other. The conversation remained light, and they talked late into the night until Buffy thought the girls might be worried. Spike reluctantly let her go after she promised to let him take her out the next evening.

"Okay, where are we going, and what should I wear?" she'd asked, smiling at him expectantly.

"It's a surprise. Wear something that makes you feel beautiful. I'll pick you up at 7:00." He'd smiled secretively, swooping down for one last kiss.

When she'd arrived home, everyone was asleep. She moved quietly as she prepared for bed and once she finally settled in, she drifted off into the best night's sleep she'd had since coming back.

Lying in bed now, she could hear Dawn downstairs clomping around, so she decided to get up and see what her sister had concocted for breakfast. In the hall, she met a startled, somewhat embarrassed Tara.

"Um, good morning…Buffy." Tara had a sheepish grin on her face.

"Good morning to you too. Guess I'm not the only one who needs to share." Buffy smiled.

After finishing in the bathroom, Buffy headed to the kitchen for coffee and food. She knew Dawn would be there with lots of questions. As she entered the kitchen, Dawn was eating a bowl of cereal. She looked up at her with a grin.

"Good morning, sleepyhead. You weren't here when I went to bed at midnight, so I'm guessing things went well with Spike."

Buffy ducked her head, smiling shyly. "Things…were a bit heated for a while. I was angry and hurt, you know. The good news is I was able to move past that and tell him how I feel."

Dawn let out an ear-piercing squeal of delight. "Oh my God, Buffy, that's amazing! How did he react?"

"At first he just stood there. I think finally sharing my feelings with him was quite a shock to his system. When he moved past his state of shock, he told me he loved me and apologized for the Anya incident." Buffy's smile was brighter now.

"Was there kissing? Did you have sex?" Dawn was not bashful with her questioning.

Buffy feigned offence at these questions. "Dawn Summers, yes, there was kissing, but no sex, _and_ if there had been, you're much too young to hear about it!"

"We're taking it slow -- starting fresh. I want to take the time to really see him for who he is and appreciate him. He deserves that, don't you think? I've spent all this time trying to convince myself he's one thing, and he's so clearly not that... I see that now and I want to immerse myself in him."

Dawn looked at her as if she'd grown a second head. "What have you done with my sister?"

"It's still me, just a more thoughtful me. Hey, do you want to help me shop, or better yet raid my closet?" Buffy winked conspiratorially.

"Sure. What's the occasion?" Dawn asked.

"Spike is picking me up at 7:00. I don't know where we're going. He says it's a surprise. He told me to wear something that made me feel beautiful."

"Wow, sounds like closet raiding time." The girls headed up the stairs giggling.

~&~&~&~&~&~&~

In the hall, a very happy Willow and Tara met them. "Hey, what's got you looking so chipper this morning?" Willow grinned.

"We could ask you the same question, missy," Buffy said.

"Well we decided, no more waiting," Willow said while gazing lovingly at Tara. "We're back together!"

Willow and Tara's smiles spoke volumes.

After a round of congratulatory hugs and well wishes, Willow's curiosity got the better of her.

"What's the what with you guys?"

Dawn didn't hesitate. "Buffy has a date with Spike."

Tara hugged her. "Buffy, I'm so happy for you! We want to hear all about it, sweetie."

"Follow us. We're about to raid Buffy's closet for the perfect outfit. She can fill you in on all the juicy details." Dawn invited everyone into Buffy's room.

Buffy retold her story to Willow and Tara as they began to search her closet. Both were very happy for the couple and generous with their praise for her courage in sharing her feelings with Spike and with them as well. They offered their support when the time came to share with Xander and Giles.

Everyone knew the two would not be won over as easily. However, they would deal with them when the time came. Buffy had made up her mind and nothing was going to change it.

After searching for a while and amassing a huge pile of rejects on the bed, Buffy found what she was looking for in the back of her closet. The black dress was simple, yet elegant…the perfect thing to make her feel beautiful. She chose some strappy silver heels and her mother's simple diamond earrings to complete the ensemble.

"What do you think, guys?" Buffy knew she'd made the right decision, but the looks on the girl's faces sealed the deal.

The search finished in the afternoon, so Buffy decided on a quick nap after putting her closet to rights. When she awoke, she grabbed a snack and headed for the bath. Buffy wanted to take her time and relax, wash her hair and still have time to do her nails. She wanted to take her time to make sure everything was perfect for Spike, and she had to admit she was very curious about this date of theirs. Buffy couldn't wait.

~&~&~&~&~&~&~

When 6:55 came around the doorbell rang. Buffy had butterflies in her stomach. "Dawn could you please answer the door?" she yelled from upstairs.

"Sure, not a problem. Looks like someone's a little anxious." Dawn grinned as she went to the door.

Taken aback upon opening the door, Dawn gasped.

"Evening, Bit." Spike glanced around nervously. "Is your sis here?"

"Yes, she's here, and she's gonna die when she sees you. You look awesome!"

"Thanks. I hope she agrees," Spike said, shifting his weight from one foot to another like a nervous schoolboy.

Just then, Buffy came down the stairs and saw him for the first time. He clutched a bouquet of Gerbera daisies in his hands, but that wasn't the big thing. Gone was his usual attire. Tonight he wore a black blazer with a cornflower blue button-down underneath, and faded blue jeans. The only thing familiar were the black boots. He looked amazing!

For a moment, they just stood and stared at one another; time stood still. Dawn broke the silence.

"Here, Spike, let me take those for you. I'll go find a vase."

"Oh, Buffy, you look ravishing, luv." Spike couldn't believe he was standing there with her.

"You're not too bad yourself, mister. I love the shirt." Buffy smiled warmly, moving closer. "It really complements your eyes."

"Thank you for the beautiful daisies, they're my favorite. Did you know, or are just a good guesser?" She quirked an inquisitive brow.

"Now, luv, I can't give away all my secrets, now can I?" Spike smiled mischievously. "Well, come on then, luv, your chariot awaits. Soon all will be revealed."

After giving her a quick kiss, he put his arm around her, and they walked out into the night.


	4. Chapter 4

Buffy and Spike walked toward the DeSoto. She could tell he'd taken great effort to make it presentable for her; it looked as though he might have even waxed it. When he opened the door for her, she noticed the worn interior had been cleaned with the same attention to detail.

"I have to say, I'm impressed. I can't believe this is actually your car. It cleans up pretty well too." Buffy gave him an impish grin as she slid a bit closer to him.

"She did need a bit of a clean-up. And I couldn't very well take my girl out on the town in a dirty car, now could I?"

Buffy flushed at the thought of being _his girl_.

"What else did you do today, oh man of mystery?" Buffy asked.

"Bit of this, bit of that. 'Course I had to take care of a few things, and I had to, um, go shopping." Spike shrugged.

"You really do look very handsome tonight. I can see you went shopping with the new clothes and all. What'd you do, win a litter of Persians?" Buffy shook her head lightly.

"No, I didn't win at poker," Spike said.

"I don't understand. How did you afford to shop? And how are we going out if you… Please tell me your money's not from something illegal." She saw the look of hurt flash across his face and was immediately sorry. She hadn't meant to sound so judgmental. Before she could offer an apology, he cut her off.

"No! I didn't do anything illegal! Haven't done either, not that you'd listen. It so happens, I'm not skint, Slayer. I have money. I've told you I could get you money before. I've always had money. I just prefer to live by my wits. Do you really think I'd be stupid enough to live a hundred and twenty years and not have anything to show for it?" He took his eyes off the road for a moment, glaring at her.

"I'm so sorry, Spike. I didn't mean to offend you. I trust you. I shouldn't have questioned you, but you've gotta admit the idea of you being wealthy is a bit odd. You live in a crypt. You hustle people at pool for blood and smokes. Hey, wait a minute! What was that part about me not listening?"

"S' alright, luv, I am who I am. What I meant was I wasn't the Doctor. I was holdin' those eggs for someone else. They weren't even supposed to have been there, but he was late picking them up." Spike gazed at Buffy, imploring her with his eyes, hoping to move beyond their past mistakes.

"Spike, you have no idea how sorry I am about that whole thing. And now I've created this whole awkward situation with my big Buffy mouth." She folded her arms and sighed.

Spike smiled. "Hey, I like your mouth. Matter of fact, it drives me crazy, it does. And now that we're here, I can show you."

He reached for her, pulling her closer, but she was stiff with tension. She turned to him, and he gently grasped her chin to meet his gaze. He brushed her lips softly against hers. When nipped at her lower lip she whimpered and opened her mouth, welcoming him. The kiss deepened, and he felt Buffy relax and lean into him. Before things could become too heated, he pulled back, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Just thought we might save something for later, luv, you ready to go in?"

Buffy's head was swimming from the kiss. She took a deep breath, and was ready with a bright smile when Spike opened her car door for her. He reached for her hand to help her from the car, and he didn't let go as they strolled down the street. Buffy couldn't help the little trill of pleasure that ran up and down her spine with each swipe of his thumb over her knuckles. She was going to have to exert serious control when it came to _taking it slow_.

The restaurant was one of Sunnydale's most exclusive – Vermillion. Buffy had never even entertained thoughts of going there. It was clearly intended for diners with romance on their mind. Inside the dimly lit room, flickering candles sat on every table, and a pianist sat comfortably behind a baby grand in the corner, softly playing old standards. The _maitre´ d_ asked for their reservations and Spike politely told him, "Pratt, party of two."

Once they were seated, Buffy said, "So, Mr. Pratt, please tell me more. I'm so eager to learn all about you!"

If Spike could have blushed, he would have been beet red.

"Don't you breathe a word about my last name to anyone, missy! I might have to slay you. Especially Rupes, last thing I need is a bunch of bloody Watchers nosin' 'round my past. After all, I do still have some semblance of a reputation to maintain," he said, with little sincerity.

Buffy just giggled. "You're adorable. Did you know that? Tell me more. I want to know all about William Pratt. And Spike, too. You want to know what I think? I think they're one in the same."

Spike just smiled. Their waiter came at that moment to tell them the evening's specials. After he finished, Spike ordered a bottle of Sanguis Novillero. "So, that's what you think, then? Let's look at the menu and then I'll tell what you want to know."

They spent a few minutes discussing what they wanted to eat as they stole glances at one another over the menus. When the waiter appeared, Spike ordered for them. An appetizer to start with, followed by the duck for Buffy, and steak for Spike. Knowing how tight things were at home, Spike was glad she'd chosen something of substance for her main course.

"Thank you for bringing me here. Everything is so romantic. It's perfect," Buffy said, before taking a sip of her wine.

"Nothing to thank me for, pet." Spike reached across the table to caress her hand. "Just being with you is a pleasure."

As they nibbled on the appetizer and sipped their wine, Spike began to tell her about William. The real William, not the William the Bloody he told her about that night at the Bronze. He couldn't remember exactly what he'd told her then, but knew it was a far cry from the truth. Spike told her how he'd come from a good family and had been well educated. He also told her of his love for his mother and poetry. When he spoke of the two, Buffy could see a look of regret or sadness cross his face, she wasn't sure which.

"I'd like to know more about your mom. And have you ever written any poems, or do just enjoy reading?"

"As I said, I loved my mum very much. It was just the two of us. I didn't have any brothers or sisters, and my father passed away when I was young. She was quite ill before I was turned. Tuberculosis, though that's not what it was called then. Having to watch her get weaker and weaker was…I had never felt so helpless." He took a deep breath before draining his wine glass.

Buffy gently touched his hand and gave him sympathetic smile. "She was lucky to have a son who loved her so much."

Spike looked away, almost guiltily, Buffy thought. But when he turned back to her, he seemed more himself.

Anyway as for the poetry, yes, I wrote poetry. Was bloody awful stuff, and it's nothing you'll ever see. It's where the name William the Bloodycame from, not my wild killing sprees, but my terrible poetry. My poor mum, bless her, was the only one who thought they were worth a damn," Spike said.

A busboy came to clear the appetizer from their table, and the entrees soon arrived, causing a slight halt in conversation. Buffy thought about the commonality they shared with their mother's illnesses. She also remembered that Twentieth Century Poets had been one of her favorite classes before she'd had to drop out of college. "I'm sure your poetry wasn't that bad. Do you still have any? Do you still write?"

"Pet, trust me when I say this, it was bad and to answer both your questions, no and no." Spike smirked.

Buffy let the subject drop and they moved to other topics as they enjoyed their meals. Spike went on to tell her about his early days as a vampire and she listened, intrigued. The more she came to know about him, the more she realized what a private person he was despite his tendency to wear his heart on his sleeve. His complexity was his ultimate defense though; he'd often wear his bravado like a shield. She found herself falling deeper under his spell.

Soon the meal was done, and the check was brought. Spike paid, leaving a generous tip.

"Are you up for another surprise, luv?" Spike asked, while leading her out the restaurant, with her hand nestled safely in his.

"I'm up! That was pretty fantastic. I can't wait to see what happens now," she said, pulling him down for a lingering kiss.

"Just you wait, it's gonna be great. I think you'll love it."

With her tucked safely in the car, Spike headed to their next destination.


	5. Chapter 5

They drove for a while in companionable silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

Buffy was busy chastising herself for all the misjudgments she'd made. Being so self-righteous and narrow-minded hadn't served her well. She couldn't believe she was even thinking it, but, in a way, she was glad she'd witnessed that kiss. If it weren't for that, she wouldn't have realized the error of her ways and given Spike the chance he deserved. At this moment, she'd never been happier about her decision.

"This is nice. Just being here with you, not feeling like I have to make conversation. You make me feel comfortable," Buffy said, looking at him thoughtfully as she held his hand.

"Makes me so happy to hear you say that, luv, you've no idea. I hope you like what I've planned next. We're almost there," Spike said, gently squeezing her hand and leaning over to peck her on the cheek.

"I can't imagine I won't. You've outdone yourself so far. Anything else is just icing on the cake." She smiled warmly, reaching up to stroke the nape of his neck.

He moaned at the sensation of her nails lightly scratching him. "Mm, that feels nice."

"I'm glad to hear it," she said, continuing her ministrations.

When they pulled into the empty parking lot, Buffy was happy to see it was one of her favorite places, the beach. If she'd been paying attention to the scenery she might have guessed, but she'd had other, more important things on her mind at the time. She was more concerned about what Spike had in store for her. Again, he was at the door before she had a chance to think, opening it and taking her hand, bringing her into the night.

The luminous, full moon hung so low it appeared as if they could reach out and touch it. The cool breeze blew in from the water against her skin, delighting her as she breathed in the salty tang of the air. Hearing the gentle roar of the waves crashing on the shore, she could hardly wait to feel the sand between her toes. Buffy leaned her head against his shoulder before reaching up to kiss his cheek. She smiled warmly at his awed expression. He'd been right to bring her here.

Stepping into the shelter of his arms, she said, "This is the perfect place. I can't believe you know me so well, but you do. How did you get so wise?"

"Been around as long as me, you begin to be able to read people and situations. As for you, I've had a few years to get to know you. I've seen every aspect of you. You're the light in the darkness. You think of others before yourself, even if it's to your detriment. You're kind, strong, and sometimes infuriatingly stubborn, but even with your faults I love you more every time I look at you," he said, gazing into her eyes and placing a lingering kiss on her lips.

When they broke from the kiss, her eyes were wide and sparkling with happiness. Spike stepped away from her and said, "I've got a few things to get from the car, then we can go down."

He went to the trunk and retrieved a cooler and a blanket. Coming back to her, he noticed she was shivering slightly. He slung the blanket over his shoulder, asking her to hold the cooler for a second while he took off his blazer and put it around her shoulders to ward of the chill of the night air. They began to make their way down the steps to the beach. Buffy smiled, grateful for the jacket. He took her hand as they began to walk toward the steps.

Buffy eyed the cooler curiously. "So, you gonna tell me what's in there, or do I have to wait? Let me guess. I have to wait. Meanie."

"Never let it be said you aren't clever, pet."

When they reached the bottom of the steps, Buffy bent down to remove her shoes to better navigate the sandy beach. Spike waited, and they went in search of the perfect spot. Once found, he spread the blanket and offered her a seat. She sat down, setting her shoes aside and pulling him down beside her.

"Aren't you going to take yours off too?" she asked.

"Beg pardon?" He looked at her, perplexed by the question. "Take my what off?"

"Your shoes," she said.

"Oh, sure. I guess. If you want me to. I hadn't planned on it," he said, beginning to untie his boots.

"I thought it would be nice if we wanted to go for a walk. Plus, I like your feet. I think they're sexy." Buffy's eyes widened comically, and she clapped her hand over her mouth.

He gave her his patented smirk. "Oh, so you think my feet are sexy, huh? Well, anytime you want them, they're yours. All you have to do is ask. Tell me, what other parts of me do you find sexy?"

The pale moonlight did little to hide Buffy's blush. "Uh…maybe in a minute. Right now I want to know what's in that cooler."

"All right, I guess I've kept you waitin' long enough." He opened the cooler and pulled out two champagne flutes, a bottle of vintage Veuve Clicquot, and a container of large strawberries dipped in dark chocolate. He handed her the glasses and popped the cork on the champagne.

Pouring them each a glass, he proposed a toast. "To us and our happiness."

They shared a smile as their glasses met with a gentle clink. Buffy reached toward the strawberries. "These look absolutely sinful. I can't wait to have a bite," she said, taking a sip of champagne.

Buffy bit into a strawberry. The incredible combination of the dry champagne, the lush sweetness of the berry, and the bitterness of the chocolate had her closing her eyes in ecstasy. She hummed deep in her throat before taking another bite. "Oh my God, this is incredible!

The arousal Spike felt watching Buffy take such pleasure in the delicious treat overwhelmed him for a moment. He closed his eyes and drained his glass, hoping to calm himself.

"Here, you've got to try this. The two together are amazing!" she said, putting the berry to his lips.

Spike's eyes flew open in surprise when he felt the berry brush his lips. Buffy's eyes were glued to a bit of juice that trickled from the corner of his mouth when he bit down. She leaned forward and licked away the errant juice.

"Mm, tastes better mixed with you."

Spike groaned, grasping her shoulders and pulling her closer. Buffy used the opportunity to snake her arms around his neck as her tongue sought entrance to his mouth. At the first taste of her tongue, a wave of desire hit him so strong, he was glad they were sitting down. Her hands were in his hair now; she held him to her as if he might suddenly leave. Spike's hands were in constant motion, caressing her sides, barely touching her breasts as they continued the hungry, yet tender, kiss. Buffy pulled back from the kiss a bit breathless. She rested her forehead against his, her expression serious.

"Buffy? Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?" Spike was still unused to this side of her. He didn't quite know what to expect or how to act.

"No, Spike, you haven't done anything wrong. What would make you think that?" Buffy looked at him curiously.

"Nothing. It's--" He paused and took a deep breath. "It's just I don't want to move too fast. You said you wanted to take things slowly, and I want to honor that. I don't want to push you into anything you're not ready for. I can wait. I'd wait for soddin' ever if I had to. I don't make the rules here, pet, you do. You just tell me what to do," he said.

Buffy looked at him, her eyes gleaming with unshed tears.

"Spike, I'm sorry, again, for not making myself clear. Words are _so_ very not my strong suit, but I'm going to try to do my best. Please, let me finish before you say anything. I did say I wanted to take things slowly, but maybe not as slow as you think. Maybe there could be more touching and kissing. The two of us can decide when to move further. And what you said about my making up the rules, that's not true. _We_ decide. We're a couple, that's what couples do. I told you the other day I thought I had fallen in love with you. That was a lie. I knew I had. I _am_ in love with you. Every part of you, Spike, William, man, vampire---all of you."

Spike thought for a moment that he'd been thrown into an alternate dimension. Surely, this wasn't really happening; Buffy wasn't in his arms saying the words he'd longed to hear. He sat mutely for a moment before he could actually find his voice.

"I. Jesus, Buffy! I never…You mean it? Will you say it again?"

"What? You want me to give you that whole speech again?" she asked, with coy grin.

"No, you vixen, just the most important part." Spike pulled her closer, playfully nipping her nose.

"Oh, you must mean this part! I love you, Spike. I really do."

Grinning like a fool, he said, "I love you too, Buffy."


	6. Chapter 6

The warm spray of water from the shower relaxed Buffy as she scrubbed away the grime and stink which had built up from a long shift at the Doublemeat Palace. Two more weeks and she would be free of it! Her smile widened as she thought of the conversation she and Spike had last night at the beach. They'd talked about _their _future. This was a new and exciting concept for them. Just days before, their relationship seemed doomed. Now, they were talking about weaving their lives together, with Spike even offering to help them financially. At first, Buffy had been reticent to have him do so much for her and Dawn, but then she understood. He loved them and wanted to do what was in their best interests. How could she not love a man like that?

Buffy wrung the excess water from her hair and turned off the taps. She reached for a towel and began to dry her hair and body. Once she was done, she applied some fragrant lotion to her body. Dawn would be home from school any minute now and she couldn't wait to share some good news with her little sister for once. Just as she was putting on her last boot, the front door slammed. Cupboards being opened and shut led Buffy to the kitchen, where Dawn was in the process of making an afterschool snack.

"Hey, Dawnie. How was school?" Buffy asked as she leaned on the island counter and grabbed a cookie off her sister's overflowing plate.

"Oh no, not so fast, missy! I think my boring day can wait." Dawn slid the plate closer to her side of the island to prevent Buffy from taking anything else from it. "You have some major spillage to do!"

Buffy couldn't help herself. She knew she was blushing and grinning from ear to ear. "Well, there's a lot to tell, so don't interrupt. Okay?"

"I'll try my best."

"First, he took me to Vermillion. Oh, Dawnie the food was to die for!"Buffy thought it had been a dramatic improvement over the diet of Doublemeat and pizza she'd eaten of late. "He opened up and told me all about the real him, human and vampire. I was happy for the opportunity to see the real Spike. Then we took a drive to the beach for dessert, and we talked about our future." Buffy hesitated a moment before saying, "I told him I loved him."

"Oh, my God! That sounds like the most amazing date ever, Buffy." Dawn took a bite of her sandwich and chewed while listening intently to Buffy, her eyes shining with happiness for her big sister.

"Hey, wait a second. Don't you remember? No interruptions. Next time, you might have to pay for my forgiveness in cookies." Buffy reached over, grabbing a cookie in mock seriousness.

"I'm sorry. My lips are sealed, on with your story." Dawn mimed locking her lips and throwing away the key.

"That's not all. He wants to take care of us. He's not really poor. He asked me to quit working at the Doublemeat and go back to school. He's willing to take care of the household expenses and pay for my school as well." Buffy prepared herself for Dawn's reaction; she knew it was going to be over the top.

Dawn's ecstatic squeals could probably be heard down the street. "I can't believe it! This is amazing! I'm so happy for you! When are you going to see him again?"

"Tonight, after I do a quick sweep. Do you think you'll be okay with Will and Tara? I may spend the night." Buffy blushed and bit her lip, smiling a bit hesitantly.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. We'd already planned on going to the movies. I just can't get over it. Spike has money."

"Yep, and he wants to spend it on us. You know how much he loves both of us. There's nothing he wouldn't do for you or me. This is just one more way showing how much he cares."

Picking up her backpack off the floor and hooking it over one shoulder, Dawn grabbed her plate and headed for the stairs. "I'm gonna get started on my homework so I'll be ready to go to the movies."

"Okay, I'm gonna grab a snack and then lie down for a while. I'll see you before I leave," Buffy said, walking to the fridge to grab a yogurt.

Buffy tucked her stake away and approached Spike's door. There hadn't been much action on patrol, which had been fine by Buffy, because she'd thought about Spike all day and couldn't wait to see him again. Arriving early and suddenly feeling nervous, Buffy didn't know if she should knock or just go straight she could make her decision, the door swung open, startling her.

"Evenin', pet. You planning on standing out there all night?" Leaning against the doorjamb, looking sexy as hell, he tilted his head and gave her his best smirk, making her all the more embarrassingly uncomfortable.

"Um, no, never mind. I was just being crazy Buffy," she said, a blush tinting her cheeks.

"Well, come here and give us a kiss then," he said, taking her in his arms and kissing her as though he hadn't seen her in days.

"Wow! That was some hello kiss. A girl could get used to that sort of thing. You might spoil me." Buffy smiled, looking into his gorgeous blue eyes.

"I aim to please. Get used to it. Now, come in." Spike took her hand, guiding her to the tattered sofa, and they sat down. "How was your day?"

"I missed you more than I can say, and I gave my notice at work. God, I'll be so glad when I'll never have to smell that stench again! Lorraine was disappointed , but she wished me well. I also spoke with Dawn.

"I'm glad you won't be working in that hellhole anymore. Thrills me to no end. How'd the Nibblet take the news?" Spike gazed at her hopefully.

"You should have heard her, or maybe not. I don't think your delicate vampire ears could have taken her ear piercing squeals. She was thrilled about everything, to say the least. I just finished up a quick patrol, and now I'm right where I want to be, with you. How was yours?" she asked.

"I missed you, counted the hours till I could see you again. Went out and got you some treats, so you'd have something to eat and drink when you're here."

"Oh, Spike, that's really thoughtful, but I'm good right now, thanks." Buffy cupped his cheek giving him a sweet kiss.

"It was nothing. Couldn't have my girl going hungry and thirsty when she came over. 'Sides, it's just a few things, nothing special." Spike glanced around the crypt nervously. "So, you wanna see what's on the telly or we could…I don't know… do whatever you want."

Spying the book the book of poetry she'd seen on her last visit, she shyly said, "I noticed the book of poetry over there. We studied E.E. Cummings in a poetry class I was taking before Mom got sick and I had to drop out. I really enjoyed the class. I'm definitely taking it again when I go back next semester. Maybe you could read me a couple of your favorites of his, if you wouldn't mind." Buffy didn't want to embarrass him. He already seemed nervous. "You don't have to if don't want to."

"I don't mind at all. I don't have to read them, I know quite a few them by heart," Spike said.

"I'm ready," Buffy said, waiting excitedly. Her skin tingled with anticipation. The thought of him reciting poetry to her gave her a little thrill up and down her spine.

"This is one of my favorites." Taking her hands in his, he began to recite,

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond

any experience, your eyes have their silence:

in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,

or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look will easily unclose me

though i have closed myself as fingers,

you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens

(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and

my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,

as when the heart of this flower imagines

the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals

the power of your intense fragility:whose texture

compels me with the color of its countries,

rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes

and opens;only something in me understands

the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)

nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

Spike's tone was soft, the words seeming to brush against Buffy as he spoke them.

"I remember that poem from my class. It's beautiful. What's another favorite?" Buffy asked.

"This one is a bit of fun and a mite sexy. I think you'll like it too."

Buffy leaned against him, putting her feet up on the sofa. Spike was surprised by change in position, but pleasantly so. He moved his arm to put around her. This time there was a playful edge to his voice as he spoke.

i like my body when it is with your

body. It is so quite a new thing.

Muscles better and nerves more.

i like your body. i like what it does,

i like its hows. i like to feel the spine

of your body and its bones, and the trembling

-firm-smooth ness and which i will

again and again and again

kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,

i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz

of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes

over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you quite so new

Buffy felt hearing him recite that poem was quite possibly the sexiest thing she'd ever experienced. She'd never imagined poetry could be such a turn-on. Hearing the words, her brain was on overload, and her body wasn't far behind. Sitting up, she straddled him, but not before noticing how the poem had affected him as well. Gazing directly into his beautiful eyes, she took his hands and placed them on her breasts, so he would have no misconceptions as to her intent. She tenderly took his face in her hands and nipped at his bottom lip, begging for entrance to his mouth. He responded with a deep moan, kissing her hungrily, softly caressing each breast and tweaking her nipples through the fabric of her shirt. Buffy ground down on his erection as the kiss became more passionate, stopping only to catch her breath and regain some semblance of control. Resting her forehead against his, she was barely able to speak.

"Spike, I want you to take me downstairs. I want to make love to you."


	7. Chapter 7

Downstairs, the bedroom was lit with the soft glow of the many candles placed around the room. They stood facing one another, Spike's eyes shone with a depth of awe and wonder for the woman he loved. He could only stare at her, enamored by her beauty. He thought of all the times he'd dreamed of having her come to him like this, but this was truly better than anything he could ever have imagined.

Buffy gazed back at him, her eyes full of love and a small smile on her face. Without saying a word, she began to unbutton her blouse, letting it fall to the floor. She toed off her boots, followed by her jeans, leaving her standing before him in only the wispy bits of lace that made up her bra and panties.

Spike snapped out of his stupor, coming forward to pull her to him for a hungry kiss. Caught off guard, she responded in kind when he grasped her ass, pulling her closer to him. Feeling the evidence of his arousal against her stomach, Buffy wrapped her leg around his and ground against his thigh. He moved from her mouth, kissing a path down her jaw line to her neck.

Buffy felt like she was on fire, but she remembered her plan and gently pushed him away. One look at his face, and she knew she'd hurt him. She quickly spoke to alleviate his pain.

"Spike, you're misunderstanding me. I don't want to stop. I just want to do things differently. Will you let me do that for you? For us?"

"Buffy, sweetheart, I'll do whatever you want. I'm yours." Spike smiled as he tucked an errant lock of her hair behind her ear.

Spike's actions made her think about how she'd cut her hair to spite him. Fingering a lock she said, "I'm sorry for cutting it, you know. I did it just to piss you off. Another thing in a long list of things to be sorry for." She bowed her head and looked away ashamed.

"Nothing to be sorry for. It's over and done with. I love who _you _are, not your hair." He gently took her chin and forced her to meet his gaze.

"I love you, too. I still can't believe how you've taken so much crap from me and you're still here. It's more than I deserve." She caressed his cheek, gazing deeply into his eyes.

"That's where you're wrong. If anything, I don't deserve someone as wonderful as you." Spike rested his forehead against hers as stroked her shoulders.

"No more of that. We love each other. We both deserve to be happy and that's that! Now, I believe I was in the middle of something." Buffy bit her lip, giving him a coy smile.

"Like I said, I'm all yours." Spike held his hands up in mock surrender.

Buffy appraised his clothed body and set about her work. Spike could see she had seduction on her mind, yet her eyes held a bit of mirth as well. He was eager to see what she had planned.

First, she untucked his t-shirt from his jeans and quickly stripped him of it. She ran her hands over the smooth muscled expanse of his chest. She licked one flat nipple to hardness before nipping it with her teeth. Spike groaned and this encouraged her further in her task.

Next, she knelt at his feet, removing his boots and socks. Unbuckling his belt caused Spike to inhale and groan. Her hands worked deftly to undo the buckle. All that remained was the fly of his jeans. With one tug, the button popped open, leaving his hard cock free to her touch. Buffy took it in one hand and cupped his balls with the other. She placed open-mouthed kisses with alternating licks on the head and underside.

"Oh, Buffy! Love your mouth…feels so good." Spike's hands were in her hair, not forcing her, but merely feeling her.

She eased back a bit, placing one last kiss on the tip, before helping him step out of his jeans. They walked to the bed, hand in hand, and she turned back the covers, motioning for him to lie down. Buffy could barely stand. Her knees were wobbly and she could feel her own arousal. She never knew giving pleasure could be such a turn on. She wasn't sure how much longer she would last.

He sat on the edge of the bed as he pulled her to him. "I've noticed something. Things aren't exactly equal here." He opened his arms wide, displaying his body.

"I don't understand." She arched her brows, running her finger down his chest.

"I mean, I'm starkers here, luv, and you're still wearing what counts in some circles as underwear." He smiled, tracing the outline of one of her breasts through the lace.

Buffy laughed, momentary tension draining from her body. "I think that can be easily remedied," she said, as she began to remove her bra and panties. "Is that better now?"Transfixed, Spike gazed at her; she was breathtaking. His gaze slid from her beautiful face to her breasts, which were high and firm, the nipples pebbled, down to the thatch of curls on her mound glistening with her arousal.

"Much. I feel like we're on equal footing now, but I'd rather have you off your feet and in my arms." Giving her a sexy leer, he tried to pull her onto the bed, but his efforts were futile.

She pushed him back against the pillow. "You just lie back and relax. Let me do all the work. I want to get to know your body like you know mine. Can you do that or do I have to tie you up?" Her tone was playful, but he could tell she meant business.

Lying back with his hands behind his head, he gave her a roguish grin. "I think I can mind my manners, for a while anyway." He waited to see what she would do. He'd never seen this playful side of her in the bedroom, and he definitely liked it. He wanted to see more.

Buffy moved to the foot of the bed, surprising him, but he kept his mouth shut. She picked up his left leg in one hand and began to massage the calf in deep, soothing strokes, with his foot cradled in the other. She brought the foot cradled in her hand to her mouth, tracing the arch with her tongue and kissing his toes. She then switched legs and repeated the process.

Spike was babbling incoherently. Never in his life had someone taken the time to know - what _he_ wanted, what _he_ liked. Hell, he had no idea his feet were an erogenous zone, but what Buffy was doing was driving him crazy!

Slowly she crawled up the bed and settled herself on his thighs; he could feel her arousal, and it drove him closer to the edge as he struggled to maintain control. She began to place ardent kisses on his chest and further down toward his navel, never touching his cock.

"Buffy, please, can I touch you? I know I promised to let you explore, but this is killin' me." Spike's voice was hoarse with need.

Buffy understood and acquiesced. "Yes, Spike, please touch me."

Almost before she could get the words out of her mouth, he'd pulled her body flush with his, crushing his lips to hers, his tongue seeking entrance. Buffy responded, opening her mouth to receive him, grasping his shoulders for purchase.

Suddenly, she found herself flipped. Spike was now above her, propping himself on one arm. He took an earlobe between his teeth, whispering endearments in her ear. Things she'd never allowed him to say before, and it felt wonderful. He moved down her neck dotting it with kisses and nips, while his other hand was busy with one of her breasts, kneading the supple flesh and pinching the nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Buffy was so aroused, she thought she might come from the sensation of that alone. She could feel his cock pressing hard against her thigh and her only coherent thought was how she desperately wanted to make love with Spike for the first time.

"Spike, please, no more waiting. I want you… now." Buffy was unable to keep the pleading tone from her voice..

"I'm never one to keep a lady waiting." He smiled knowingly and gave one nipple a playful bite.

Buffy mewled and opened her thighs wider. He positioned his cock at her entrance, but she took him by surprise by arching up and taking him in; it took his breath away.

"Jesus! Buffy….give me minute. God, luv, you feel like heaven! Give me a second or this is gonna be over before it starts."

Buffy felt whole. She reached up to touch his beautiful face. "I'm ready whenever you are. You just feel so wonderful. It makes me want to move."

Leaning down, he began to pepper her face with kisses as he began a slow tortuous rhythm. He pulled almost all the way out before forcefully plunging back in, while Buffy met him thrust for thrust. Her internal muscles squeezed him almost to the point of pain, but it was a wonderful sort of pain he reveled in. Their mingled cries and groans echoed throughout the room.

Spike moved his free hand to Buffy's breast, rolling and pinching it between his deft fingers. He kissed and nipped a path down her neck, across her collarbone, down to her other breast and began to lavish it with attention. He gently tugged at her nipple with his teeth, causing Buffy to raise a hand to his head to draw him closer.

This tortuously slow pace was killing her. She thought she might die from the ecstasy of it all. "Harder…faster…I need…" Buffy's had never felt this way before. She'd never let herself be so open, so vulnerable. Her body was on sensory overload.

"Hush, Buffy, I know what you need. Let me love you. I've waited so long. I promise it will be worth it." Spike's voice was soothing as he brushed her hair from her flushed face.

How could she deny such a request? She pulled his face down for a kiss, at the same time positioning her legs higher around his waist for deeper penetration. With the new angle, it wasn't long before she felt her climax approaching. Spike could sense it as well. With two more thrusts, her internal walls began to spasm, sending them both over the edge with mutual cries of satisfaction.

Afterward, they lay wrapped in each other's arms, just enjoying the feel of one another. Spike's arms were around her, Buffy's head pillowed on his chest.

"I never knew it could be so wonderful. I mean, that was so amazing." Buffy kissed his chest while tracing idle patterns around one of his nipples.

"I thought so too. I know you wanted to make love to me, and I loved every minute of it, Buffy, but giving me a chance to share my love was equally as special. No one has ever let me love them like that." He pressed a soft kiss against her temple.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was kinda nervous. I hope I didn't freak you out or do something wrong. I love you. There's no other place I'd rather be." She sighed contently and snuggled deeper into his embrace.

"I feel the same way, and don't ever be nervous or think anything we do is wrong. We're adults, and as long we're both consenting and enjoy what's takin' place, there's nothing wrong with it." Spike pulled the covers up to keep them warm.

Buffy stifled a yawn then kissed his chest. "I hope you don't mind if I rest for a minute. You kinda wore me out."

Spike spooned against her. "Go right ahead, I'll wake you before it gets too late." He stroked her hair, grateful for the time he had with her.

"Why? I'm not going anywhere. I told Dawnie and the girls I was staying the night." Buffy turned to him, smiling when she saw the look of surprise on his face.

It was finally starting to sink in. She really meant it. She wasn't hiding their relationship. "Well in that case you'd better rest up, luv, because I've got plans for you." Mischief sparkled in his eyes.

Buffy giggled. Spike didn't think he'd ever actually heard her make that sound before, and it was delightful. He hoped it was something he'd hear regularly.

"Oh you do, do you? And would you mind telling what these plans of yours are?" She propped her head up with one hand and raised her eyebrows, pushing an errant curl from his forehead.

Spike gave her a teasing leer and tapped her on the nose. "I'm more of doer than a teller. You'll just have to wait and see."


	8. Epilogue

Spike awoke to an extraordinary sensation of warmth. He thought he must have still been dreaming until he felt her stir, and her hair tickled his nose. She turned in his arms, looking up at him with sleepy eyes.

"Mm, good morning." Buffy smiled, reaching out to caress his cheek with the pad of her thumb.

He tipped her chin, nibbling her bottom lip. "More like good afternoon. We had quite the eventful evenin' and mornin' as I recall." Spike gave her a sexy smirk, pulling her closer, twining his hand in her hair.

Buffy's cheeks flushed pink, which Spike found absolutely adorable. "Yes, we were very busy. I'm not complaining, mind you. No siree! No complaints here. It was all of the _very_ good. I just can't believe it's so late. What time do you think it is?" The candles from last night had long ago burned out, leaving them in relative darkness. Buffy stretched, raising her arms above her head and wiggling her toes, which were peeking out from underneath the sheet. The bedding had not remained intact during their many amorous adventures.

"I'd guess it's around two o'clock or so. Are you hungry? I have those snacks and drinks upstairs. I could do with a bit of something myself." Buffy's stomach took that moment to make its presence known. Spike tapped her pert little nose lightly as he patted her stomach. "I'll take that as a yes then. I'll be right back."

Spike gave her a quick kiss before slipping on his jeans, lighting a few candles and heading upstairs.

Buffy lay tucked under the covers waiting for Spike to return, thinking about how fortunate she was to have him—how she almost lost him. She almost wanted to thank Anya for kissing him and making her realize her feelings, but she didn't think she'd be doing that anytime soon. Still, that had been the catalyst for everything. She quickly pushed those thoughts aside when she heard him coming down the ladder.

"Here we go; a snack for my girl. Not exactly healthy, mind you, but at least it's food." He handed her a Diet Coke, some chips, and a package of cookies.

"This is great. Doesn't matter whether it's healthy," she said between bites. "I just need food."

"It's good to see you with an appetite." Spike stood and sipped his blood as he watched her inhale the food.

She patted his spot on the bed. "Come back to bed. I'm lonely without you."

"Oh you are, are you? I think I can remedy that." He set his empty mug down on the bedside table and began to nibble her neck, pulling the sheet away to reveal her breasts. He took one in his hand, massaging it and tweaking the nipple, while he lowered his mouth to the other breast to lavish it with attention. He slid his other hand down her taut stomach toward the apex of her thighs.

"No fair. You're distracting me. I have things I need to ask you, and you're all with the kissing and the…ah." Buffy moaned as he started to stroke her inner thigh.

"Sorry, I can't help myself. You're just so delectable," he murmured, taking her earlobe between his teeth.

"You're making this really difficult, you know? I promise if you let me talk, we can play later." Buffy put a hand on his chest to stop him; if he didn't stop soon, she knew no talking would be done. At least not anytime soon.

He looked at with her mock sadness, his bottom lip jutting out in a pout. "I'll be good. I promise."

Damn him for looking so irresistible, Buffy thought, but soldiered on with her plan. "Well, we're together now, and since you're going to be taking over our financial responsibilities, I thought maybe you might want to move in. Do you?" She ducked her head once the question was out, as if she was afraid of rejection.

"Buffy, pet, in what alternate universe do you think the answer to that question would be no? Of course, I'll move in! That would make me so bloody happy! You've no idea. But what about the witches?"

"It's my house. I say we take Mom's bedroom, and they can have mine or find another place to live. It's not like they're paying rent. We can keep the crypt for patrolling getaways." She bit her lip, her eyes twinkling.

"Sounds perfect. What else did you want to talk to me about?" Spike gazed at her, looking curious.

"Oh, I wanted to know if you wanted hang out with Dawn and me tonight, maybe rent some movies. I've kind of neglected her the past few days, you know," she said, absently playing with the sheet.

"That'd be great. I'd love to spend the evening with my two favorite girls." Spike moved in to kiss her again.

Buffy leaned away to signal she wasn't quite finished. She took a deep breath began. "And, here's the big question. I've been thinking about this, and I understand what it means. Trust me, I so do and I want it with you. The only question is do you?" Buffy was so nervous she was afraid she was going to tear a hole in the sheet if she didn't get through this. It was one thing to say I love you, but to propose what she was proposing was so much more. All her insecurities came rushing forward.

"Do I want what with you, luv? I can't imagine there would be anything I'd refuse you." Spike's brow slightly furrowed. He took her hand away from the sheet, cradling it in his.

Buffy took a steadying breath. What she was about to ask was monumental, and even with Spike rubbing his thumb across her knuckles soothingly, she was still a little nervous. "A mutual claim. I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine. Would you want that with me?" She wouldn't meet his eyes.

Buffy raised her eyes to meet his, a small, hopeful smile gradually fading as he continued.

"What you just asked makes me happier than any bloke has a right to be, but I think this is something weshould take some time to consider together_._ Our relationship is so new. I've loved you for sodding ever, but it's new for you. I want you to be absolutely sure before you bind yourself to me eternally." Spike raised Buffy's hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to her fingers. "Please don't think I don't want it or you. That's not the case at all. I want you and everything you have to give. I just want the time to be right and I think we'll both know when it is."

Buffy gazed at him, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill. "Spike, I know what I want, but I'm willing to be patient and wait. Everything you've said makes perfect sense. It's strange, the one time I'm impulsive about something, Mr. Impulsive talks me down. You better not make me wait too long, mister." She smiled, hoping she'd lightened the moment a bit.

"Oh, I don't think you'll have to wait too long. I think we can reach some sort of agreement soon enough. Just give it a bit of time. I do love you more than anything, you know." He grabbed her waist and pulled her onto his lap.

"I believe I've heard you mention that a time or two. You want to know a secret?" She leaned forward, her bare breasts brushing against his chest. Just before biting his earlobe, she whispered, "I love you, too."

He pulled her in for a fierce kiss, and she met it with equal intensity. The world fell away, nothing else mattered, only them, sharing their bodies and their love.

Later, they stepped out into the evening air hand in hand, ready to start their new life together. They knew the road would not be smooth, but as long as they had each other, things would be fine.

The end.


End file.
